The title to this blog post says it all. I’m so tired of being embarassed by my skin condition. For me, this is the worst part of getting acne, the embarrassment that goes with it.
I don’t understand why acne is the number one disease that causes so much of this feeling of embarrassement. Is it because it’s considered a teenage condition that’s linked to hormones and puberty? It can’t be the fact that it’s on our faces because then we’d also be embarrassed by freckles and moles and mosquito bites on our face but we’re not ..well I’m not anyway. I have a lot of freckles and a couple of moles on my face and I’m not embarassed about either of those. I even have a larger than average nose for a girl and that doesn’t bother me at all. Nor does my big teeth or my eyebrows if I’ve forgotten to shape them. There’s just something about acne that causes so much embarassment.
I go through stages of not caring about what I or other people think, and I stop wearing makup. I love these moments of consciousness because it gives me some freedom to stop focusing on my skin and to start focusing on whatever life brings me in the present moment. I don’t know what knocks me back into being shy and embarassed about my skin again, but I wish I could remain in those consious moments and stop making such a big deal about a few spots.
Lately I’ve noticed a pattern with Mondays. For some reason I feel particuarly bad about my complexion on Mondays – I have no idea why. So this morning when I woke up and stumbled into the bathroom and peered at the mirror only to let out another groan and a big sigh that my spots hadn’t miraculously disappeared in my sleep overnight, I reminded myself that it was Monday and I’m always down about my skin on Mondays.
I would love to stop this pattern and to remain fully in those conscious moments where I don’t care. I have had advice from a select frew of very wise people who have told me that in order to fully recover from a condition, I need to stop empowering it by giving it my full attention. I need to stop constantly thinking about my acne and staring at it and willing it to go away, and start filling my mind with thoughts of wellbeing and well …anything that does not define ‘Fran’ as ‘Fran with acne’.
Imagine having the freedom to get on with your life without worrying about your acne right now.
Think about it. Most acne treatments take weeks, sometimes even months to work effectively. I’m seeing a dermatologist tomorrow and I know for a fact that any treatment they give me is going to take a full three months to maybe work at clearing my mild acne. I don’t want to define my happiness with how well my skin is doing, and wish those three months away so I can be at the other end with clear skin. I want to be happy and consioius
So what am I going to do about it? I’m going to shake off my usual pattern of feeling down about my skin on Mondays, and every time I start to think about my own skin and acne, i’m going to stop those thoughts in their tracks and still my mind or devert it elsewhere. I’m going to stop dreaming about the future and the moment where my skin is 100% clear, and start focusing on being happy in the present moment. Because when all of this is over, I’m going to look back on this time and I won’t even remember what it was like to have acne, and I’ll be laughing at myself and thinking how silly it was to define my happiness with how well my skin was doing.
I’m going to try. It will be hard, but I’m going to put all my effort into it because I’m tired of my life revolving around my acne and I’m soooooooo ready to move on. Writing this article has made me realize how ridiculous my actions are, and how I’m wasting my life away spending so much of my energy being depressed and embarassed about my skin.
I truly believe that beauty radiates from within, and whether you’re male or female you are beautiful no matter how bad your acne is. I have seen both men and women that I’ve considered to be absolutely stunningly beautiful, and they have had acne! What makes them beautiful is how strongly I could feel their inner beauty and their confidence which literaly radiates from within. I’m going to work towards being like that