I received an email the other day from Laura, a beautiful girl who suffers from Acne Dysmorphia. When I read Laura’s story it really touched my heart, and I could feel similarities in my own life, and how closely it aligns for those of us who suffer from skin picking.
I cannot thank Laura enough for sharing her story, because I feel as though Acne Dysmorphia is actually quite a common condition, and something that is not talked about enough. Here is Laura’s article …
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Hi, my name is Laura and I want to share with you my journey of a condition I did not even realise existed. It is my hope that some people may identify with the symptoms of Acne Dysmorphia and get the appropriate help to end this tormenting mental condition.
It all began around January 2007 when I began to get obsessed with the condition of my skin and would constantly be looking in the mirror checking for any blemishes or new spots. Looking back I realise that they were really not as bad as I thought but it caused me to become very self-critical and destructive. My self-esteem levels had never been particularly high but they were becoming lower and lower. I found myself making excuses when friends asked me to go out.
I just thought I was acting like any normal teenage girl in today’s society who obsesses about their physical appearance. As the months went on I found myself breaking down in tears on many occasions because I hated the way I looked so much. Any little spot made me feel ugly and disgusting which made it hard for me to be confident and my relationship with my boyfriend began to suffer with my continuing obsession with my skin which caused me to have mood swings.
At night I would apply endless amounts of creams and potions in an effort to get rid of what I saw as a face full of acne when in actual fact I was only suffering with the odd one or two spots.
But then in late August I started to get more spots and by September I had mild acne perhaps as a result of all the stress and creams I was applying. Even though I heard the words ‘mild acne’ from a doctor it certainly, in my eyes did not look or feel mild to me. I grew ever more impatient and each morning I was seeing little improvement. I became very depressed and began to loose weight. I would dread each morning knowing I would have to look in the mirror. Trying to cover it up with make-up only aggravated the problem and I felt hopeless like it would never disappear. Going out became increasing difficult as I felt so hideous and felt like I was constantly being stared at and judged. I did my best to avoid any social situation at this point.
I was due to begin my University course in October, which should have been an exciting step in my life. However my mind was so concerned with my skin I was becoming more and more anxious at the thought of going to University where there would be hundreds of new faces. I used to look forward to meeting new people and making friends but I knew that my preoccupation with my skin would affect my chances of making friends in the sense that it caused me to be very shy as I was desperate to avoid face to face contact with people where I could.
When I began University I styled my hair in a way that would shroud the left side of my face as this is the area I was most concerned about. I also wore a hat every day in a further attempt to hide my face from others. I did manage to make a few friends during my first week but I could feel a constant weight of anxiety in my chest as I was so concerned as to what others were thinking about my skin. After my first week at University my attitude towards my skin became much more severe but even I could not have anticipated what I was about to do.
It was Tuesday on my second week at University and I just could not cope any more. I sat in a lecture and could not take in a word as I was so fixated about my skin I felt the tears pour down my face. That is the moment when I began to seriously consider what I could do to end this never-ending misery and internal agony.
I was on the tram home after my lecture when I thought I can’t take this anymore I don’t want to look like this and feel like this anymore, ‘I want to die’. Following a tearful drive home I returned to an empty house and thought this was my chance I knew nobody would be back for hours. I began counting out the tablets and found some vodka as I thought this would speed up the process. I proceeded to take around 20-30 tablets of all kinds and hoped that they would act quickly but this was not the case. It took a while for the tablets to have an effect but I began to feel dizzy and incredibly sick and my body was shaking.
It was then that I realised I had made a mistake, at the time when I took the overdose I was only focused on the misery I was feeling, I selfishly didn’t stop to think about how my family would be affected. This was when I tried to contact my Mum but she was busy so I left her a message just asking her to come home. When she came home I was sitting crouched at the bottom of the stairs and told her to take me to hospital she was screaming at me asking what I had done and when I told her she burst into tears and took me to the nearest hospital. Luckily I hadn’t taken enough to do any serious damage and it was explained that I would feel weak and sick for a few days.
At the hospital I saw a mental health worker who arranged for me to see a dermatologist straight away as she understood that it was my obsession with my skin that had lead me to my previous actions. He told me again that it was mild and gave me some cream and antibiotics. Despite him saying it was very treatable I still felt hopeless.
When I got home from hospital the first thing I did was to look in the mirror and I broke down in tears again. My Mum took me to see my GP who put me on a course of anti-depressants. When I was back at home I began to search the Internet for possible cures for my acne and it was then that I came across an article on Acne Dysmorphia. As I read it I completely identified with all its symptoms and it even said that if left untreated Acne Dysmorphia can lead to suicide attempts. I took the article to my GP, which she found very useful. I asked if she thought I should try hypnosis as that is one of the therapies that is suggested to combat this relatively unheard of disorder and she said that it might help. On hearing this I set up a course of hypnotherapy. This is one of the suggestions believed to help sufferers of Acne Dysmorphia.
Having decided to defer my place at University for a year while I sought treatment, I began a course of around 10 weekly sessions of hypnotherapy with a qualified hypnotherapist, whom I was introduced to through a friend of the family who had been having hypnotherapy to treat an eating disorder. After a few sessions I was able to relax more and sleep a bit better but my obsession with my ‘bad skin’ still refused to go away. There would be days when I would just cry all day and refuse to go out. This when I went back to my GP who suggested that I see a Psychiatrist.
In February 2008 I went along to my first appointment with mixed emotions. In my mind only ‘crazy’ people see Psychiatrists, I thought I’m not crazy. On reading further information about Acne Dysmorphia, many of its sufferers do not believe they need Psychiatric or Psychological help as they have poor insight into the condition and see that it is their skin that is the problem and not the way they are acting.
The Psychiatrist I saw was lovely and we just had an informal chat about how I was feeling and what I thought the problem was. She decided that I should continue with my course of Anti-depressants and be referred to a Psychologist instead as she believed I would benefit from some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to combat my negative behaviour patterns such as the constant mirror-checking and the way I thought about my skin.
It is now April 2008 and I have not seen a Psychologist yet but am expecting an appointment any day now and am hopeful that this will end my struggle. I have come a very long way, mentally since October 2007 through the support of my family, friends and a wonderful GP. I have started to go out more and am determined to overcome Acne Dysmorphia and not let it ruin anymore of my life.
My story is one I felt should be shared with as many people as possible because if this article can increase the awareness of Acne Dysmorphia it may help the suffering of people who can’t put a name to the way they feel. I am taking the steps to ensure a full recovery from Acne Dysmorphia and I urge anyone who can identify with symptoms to seek help from a GP before it is too late.
Information about Acne Dysmorphia
What exactly is Acne Dysmorphia?
Acne Dysmorphia is the obsession an individual has with the condition of their skin. A sufferer will constantly strive for a clear complexion and a new spot or blemish however small is seen by them as disgusting. A sufferer may be convinced that their acne is severe when in actual fact it is only a mild outbreak. It can completely ruin a persons life and can lead to depression or suicidal behaviour without the correct support and help.
What should you do if you think you are suffering from Acne Dysmorphia?
If you think you are suffering from any of these symptoms I urge you to seek medical help as soon as possible and know that you are not alone in this. Tell them about Acne Dysmorphia, as I am certain there will be doctors who will not have come across it before.
http://www.highonhealth.org/forums/.
If you would like to talk to Laura in private, you can contact me (through the contact button on the top of this page), and I will pass your details onto Laura.
92 responses ↓
Your story was very sad but I am so happy you found an answer in the end. I think you have also found the answer for me. I have been through a lot, too much to write down. I never had any problems with my skin until I was struck by a car while walking and received a bad facial injury. It was after this that I kept getting very bad acne breakouts. Then a few years later I was sick with kidney failure. I had a horrible reaction to a certain brand of medication that caused acne scaring. This including the stress of my girlfriend leaving me was a little to much for me to handle. Nothing I could do was helping my acne problem. I too looked at a bottle of pills and contemplated something dreadful. finally After my brother gave me a kidney I felt a lot better. I always had sore,red angry skin until I recently stumbled onto the site “high on health.org” I could not believe it ! a small dab of apple cider vinegar diluted with water has done what NO product ever has ! My skin is so much better looking I still have some scars but because they are not inflamed they are not as noticeable. My true friends accept me for ME. I am still really really self conscious about my face but I will definetly give hypnosis a try.
Thank you for finding a name for what I have.
-James
Thank you for sharing your story! I am sure I have acne dysmophoria, but I didn’t know there was a name for it. I’ve tried to talk about my acne and how I have been suicidal over it in therapy, but it seems impossible to really get the point across and to get any kind of help. Unless some has been there themselves, they just DON’T UNDERSTAND.
Thanks for this, wow – it has a name! I shall be discussing this in my next psychology appointment
I had to wait around 15 months to see a psychologist btw, I hope you get there quicker! Stupid NHS waiting lists!
Thank you very much for reading my article. Acne Dysmorphia desperately needs more publicity so once you have read the story and found it helpful please share it with as many people as you can.
James- I am so sorry to hear what you have been through but I am really glad to hear you are on the road to recovery. Its a good point you made about true friends accepting you for who you are as I have learnt. Don’t let it ruin your confidence when you start feeling down get angry with it and just say in your head ‘ I won’t let you bet me’ I have found getting mentally tough with Acne Dysmorphia really helpful lately. I am glad you are going to try hypnotherapy, please let me know how it works for you and go to your doctor and explain exactly how Acne Dysmorphia is affecting you as they may be able to offer you further treatment.
Chrystine- I am so glad that my article has helped you identify the way you feel. It can be incredibly hard for outsiders to understand but if you want to talk please feel free to contact me through Fran as talking about Acne Dysmorphia might be the way to begin your recovery as I can talk about the things that are helping me get better. Also I would suggest taking this article or any similar that you find to your doctor and really insist that you need treatment, make them understand the pain you are going through.
Ruth- I am really pleased that my article has been able to allow you to put a name to the way you are feeling. And please know that you are not alone in this its just that Acne Dysmorphia is so unheard of that many of its sufferers do not even realise they have the condition. I hope that I get seen faster than that aswell or I may have to consider going private instead as I am desperate to start my sessions of CBT and be the old me again.
Thanks again to you all
Laura
I am so proud of you Laura!!
Thank You SO MUCH Laura for your story!! I always thought that I was the only one that felt like that -still feel like that. I feel a little scared to share my story beacuse whenever I would try to talk to someone about this they would say is that’s whats bothering you? Is that all? And I would just be in shock because I would think well maybe someone could understand. But no, no one. I actually have had to quit 2 jobs on the first day because I would just be so terrified of what people would say or what they were thinking. High School was a bigger nightmare. I don’t have acne as bad as I used to but I still have moderate acne, when I was in high school I used to have the worst acne I had it everywhere it looked like I had boils all over my face it looked like it hurt just to talk. I was so quiet and scared to talk to anyone that I never said a word to anyone. I would sit in the back in the class way in the corner and not say a word. I think most people didn’t even relize that there was someone back there. People called me freddy krueger. I know that sounds funny but it really hurt and thats how bad my skin was. I cried everyday at night mostly so my family wouldn’t hear me. I really started not only to develope acne dysmorphia but I also began to develope body dysmorphic disorder because I would actually think what if I really do look like freddy krueger? What if I really am disfigured? These people wouldn’t call me this if it was just acne. I only made it for 2 years of high school then I was homeschooled I could’nt handle it anymore I had started cutting myself and really thought about ending my life. I can’t go back there I won’t go back there! Then when I started home schooling I never left my house. I didn’t see my friends for a year and a half I would talk to them on the Phone but I wouldn’t let them see me. It was about a year and a half when I began to look for a job. I got hired in a clothing store. I was so happy I finally have a job! My acne is still there but much better I can do this! But once I got out onto that selling floor I felt like the whole store stopped and looked at my face examing everything. I can’t do this. The same thing with the next job this was about 6 months later I had to quit. Its difficult its something that I still struggle every time I look in the mirror I still think: Am I seeing whats real or is it only what I want to see? Is my skin getting better or am I just imaging its getting better?
Hi Zach,
Thank you, I really appreciate the fact that you have chosen to share your story as I understand how hard it can be. I was extremely upset to hear that you hurt yourself but I can understand the desperation that any type of acne can drive people to.
Bullying is never funny, people can be so cruel, especially at school but I want you to know that there you have absolutley nothing to feel ashamed about. Acne Dismorphia is a tormenting mental condition and I think due to its lack of publishing makes it extremely hard to diagnose and difficult for people to understand.
I think that it is fantastic that you have tried to take steps to help yourself such as getting a job. I currently work a couple of days with my Dad at his office which I think has helped take my mind off things. I sometimes have down days when I get really upset about my skin but having things to do and distract myself really take my mind off things.
After reading your story I believe that you would benefit from talking to your doctor, explaining how you feel and ask for a referal to a Psychologist. I received my appointment and have my first session on 14th May, I hope that they will sort out some Cognative Behavioural Therapy. I also think that you would may respond well to this type of treatment as it aims to tackle the way your mind operates and may help you.
I completely empathise with the feeling of people staring. I am still struggling with this daily and hope that the Psychologist will help with this so Im not constantly worried about people are thinking and saying about my skin. I carry the preoccupation of my skin around with me everyday, some days are better than others but I refuse to let it beat me as you should and that is why I am seeking professional help which I really do think would be beneficial in your battle to overcome the way you feel about your skin. I am sure you are not imaging your skin is getting better, I bet it is! I think that you may associate acne with the bullying and torment it caused you and now any spot brings those feelings back??
If you would like to talk to me about anything please give your email address to Fran and I promise that Ill get back to you as soon as I can.
Stay postive and please go to your doctor and explain the psychological effects your skin is having on you.
Take care
Laura x
Thank You so much Laura! I really feel better now that shared my story with someone who suffered with the same condition that I did. My skin is getting better. I don’t drink soda, juice, anything with sugar basically. Just water. And I can’t tell you what a difference it has made. But I can’t thank you or Fran enough for all that you are doing! Thank you!
zacksawesome@gmail.com
anyone please feel free to email me anytime!
Thanks again Zack
Thankyou so much for sharing your story. I finally know the name. I have been on anti depressents for anxiety, and seen a psycologist. Now that i am getting better, I sat back and thought about the root cause that triggered my depression. And i knew automatically it was my skin. I have suffered badly with acne since i was about 11 and i came to a point where i was obbessed with the condition of my skin. I didn’t realis it at the time, but this is definetly what had started my panic attacks and anxiety. I am so happy to know that these feelings are a condition and that other people besides me suffer from this too.
Thankyou so much again for your story, you have come such a long way and i hope you continue to do so.
Feel free to email me
Looking back I would say I started obsessing about my skin when I was 11. I actually have (well had) really clean, clear skin. At 11 I started with my face, I would like in the mirror examine my skin and just squeeze at my pores, to try and get out what ever I thought was hiding in there. As the years went I I moved from my face, to my arms, back, chest, legs etc. I thought it was just a bad habit, until I was in High School, with a whole bunch of scars later did I realize something is not right here. I just kept getting worse and worse. Obsessing about my skin, picking at everything. Whether it was acne or ingrown hairs from shaving which became the worst. Just feeling an ingrown hair or a bump would make me want to run and lock myself in the bathroom just to pick at it. It’s like being in a trance, I would be in the bathroom for hours only then to realize what I had done to myself. I felt so embarrassed, ashamed and alone. I would have to cover up what I did so no one would notice. Which usually meant heavy makeup, no shorts/skirts/dresses especially not in the summer and no going to the beach, so no one can see the scars I created. I went to a dermotoligist my junior year of high school, to which I was told just stop picking at your skin. Like it was like that easy, like a switch I could just turn on and off. After that I felt even more alone, and like I was a freak by doing this to my own body. Till this day, 14 years later I still suffer from this. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist, I have be diagnoised as being bi-polar (as if compulsive skin picking wasn’t enough), but whenever I mention my urge to pick or my obsession with my skin, my doctor never discusses it. In fact it seems like he just ignores my comments about my skin picking. I am currently just being prescribed medication for my bi-polar. At this point I just feel so hopeless. I am married and have a daughter. I feel like I am making my husband suffer through this. He is very supportive and loving, but I hate myself and what I have done to my body. Most of the time I can’t even bare for him to look at me or even touch me, because I am so disgusted with myself. And my daughter I wish I would be able to go swimming with her, take her to the beach. Even if I found a way to stop this, there is nothing that can erase the scars and even out my skin.
Anonymous- thank you for sharing your story I understand how difficult it can be. I am going through a really bad patch at the moment and am constantly in the mirror looking at all the little bumps which people say they can’t see but I do.
Its a real shame that Acne Dismorphia had not been discovered when your were 11 as that may have helped you break the obsession with your skin. I think you really need to insist your doctor listens to you about your skin concerns and possibly ask if you can be refered to a psychologist to help you through it and give you ways of coping.
I feel that my boyfriend suffers too which really upsets me and that is my motivation to get better, so he and my family do not have to suffer anymore.
It is really awful to hear you say that you hate yourself. You should focus on the positives about yourself, perhaps ask your husband what his favourite qualities are about you. I am sure that he will make you see that you are a wonderful person.
I dont think that I could get through this without the love and support of my family. But you really need to see someone about your obsession with your skin, it has already taken up so much of your life, don’t let it have anymore. Get tough with it and try the various things I suggested such as hypnotherapy.
Take care and please let me know how things go
Laura x
Hey, I just discovered what Acne Dysmorphia was today when I was searching online for a way to stop picking at my acne. See… I’m not sure if I have it because I’ve never become suicidal over it, and I don’t have an obsession with mirrors..
Actually, I hate looking in mirrors because everytime I do, it disgusts me. I have stopped wearing my glasses altogether because doing so allows me to see my face as being clearer than it is. I am more obsessive about my skin than most people – this I know for certain because I am afraid to go out until I have somehow covered up most of my blemishes.. But makeup doesn’t even help that much (when I try to put it on it often doesn’t sit right on my skin… it just looks cakey and gross) I wash my face a couple of times a day and am constantly picking at it and wishing it wasn’t so hideous… People tell me all of the time that I am gorgeous, and I actually think that I look okay in most pictures of me, but when I look in the mirror I just can’t see it.
In my last relationship, I always felt uncomfortable having my boyfriend look at me… I wanted to be pretty for him but I felt as though I never would be, because nothing I did helped. I’ve been trying really hard for a long time to see myself differently, but it’s so hard.
I always thought I was just really self-conscious.. you don’t think this could be Acne Dysmorphia, do you? Thank you so much for sharing your story.. I truly hope that more people will learn about this in time, because the realization that I might be suffering from some form of it has made me determined to overcome it.
Peace.
Honestly, it’s depression and anxiety. It can be triggered by certain things like a preoccupation with skin/acne but the condition is there nonetheless. I think you’re doing the people who are truly in need of help from a licensed mental health professional major harm by lightly labeling MAJOR DEPRESSIVE SYMPTOMS as a small “dysmorphia.”
Thank you for your comment but I don’t believe I have done any harm. All I wanted to do was share my story with other people, I do not believe that there is any harm in wanting to help anyone with my condition. And as far as I know I have never ‘lightly labelled Major Depressive Symptoms as a small dismoprhia’. And Acne dismorphia is not small at all, it has completely ruined my life and that why I was so desperate to share my story to help people. I think you have misunderstood the things I have said. Acne dismorphia has caused me to have many symptoms of depression but it is not depression alone that caused me to become obsessed with my skin.
Hello Laura ,I wanted to thank you for your story.
My story is very similar to yours and it is only now that I have been diagnosed with dysmorphia about my skin and have been put on anti depressants and and am about to start cognitive therapy in a month so would be interested to see how you find it.
I only get a few spots occasionally and I don’t think anyone would say that it is really bad but when I have a bad day I find it very difficult to go to work or to see my friends and spend hours in front of the mirror.
What actually bothers me is not the spots but what I see as red scars left behind because I never know when they will go and my life will go back to normal. I have had a long series of IPL treatments as I suffer from very mild roseaca but never seem to be satisfied by the resukts and my family find it very frustrating. I have spent about £1200 over the last month of savings on treatment. I don’t expect to get perfect skin but I just seem to be on a constant quest to get back to how my skin was previously, which is futile.
It is only my very close friends and family that have any idea of my condition and I believe if my other friends knew that they would be genuinely shocked as I try and keep it secret as I am a very outgoing person in my day to day life.
Sometimes I just find it completley exhausting trying to act normal and when I see other girls with beautiful skin I find myself staring at them in envy and I feel angry that they don’t have to do anything to maintain their skin. But I try and remind myself that everyone has their insecurities and it could be worse.
Though I know that you must feel awfull alot of the time I just wanted to say that you really do have a beautiful face and it is better to be pretty with the odd spot than have perfect skin but be convinced that you are perceived as an truely ugly person by others..
It makes me sad to thin how many of us struggle with this type of condition, and the person that you envy and think looks ‘perfect’ may infact be suffering the same as you.
Thanks
Lucinda
Hi Lucinda,
Thank you so much for your reply I can completely identify with the way you feel.
I have had about 4 sessions now with a psychologist trying to establish why it is that I hate my skin so much and find out where this insecurity came from. He says that CBT will come into it later so I cant really tell you about it but I would be really interested to know if it helps you.
I have thought about skin treatments especially the laser skin treatments that promise to rid you of acne but I asked my dermatologist and he advised me that I should not have any kind of laser treatment.
I also struggle with the red marks that past spots leave and these upset me as much as the spots themselves, I find that rubbing a little bit of Savlon does reduce the redness and helps me feel a bit more confident. I also use very small amounts of Sudocrem on the spots that upset me and that helps me feel better too even though the whiteness can be seen by others I’d rather have that on my face.
I also find it hard to act normal when I go out as Im constantly comparing my skin to other peoples and I can get very moody and upset when I see girls with better skin than me but I try to think that nobody has perfect skin and that if I looked up as close at the peoples skin that Ii see as perfect I would find the same small imperfections that upset me so much.
Im glad that you have been able to get something from reading my article and I really want to help more people who might be suffering with this condition.
Take care and I really hope that the CBT works for you
Laura xx
Hello Laura,
Thank you for writing this.
Everything you have said mirrors what my life has been like for the last 2 years or so. I had tears running down my face reading your article. I literally have done exactly what you have done. It started a few years ago and has slowly consumed my life to the point where I was just staying in my flat and not going out at all. I even left my job, stopped playing sports every week, stopped going out, when I did go out I thought that all eyes were on me and everyone was judging me. I didn’t want a girl friend and when girls were interested in me , I though they must have been crazy I just didn’t understand I felt disgusting and horrible.
My family had become worried about me and friends were concerned that I was not socializing at all. People kept asking me what as wrong and was I OK? I am usually the type of person that is always laughing have a great time and that all just stopped. I just felt and still do feel embarrassed to even tell my friends what I’ve been going through. They would understand I’m sure, but they would be utterly shocked to know the truth. The people that I have told, close family etc. have been fantastic so far, they have supported me a lot. Even though they would say to me that I had nothing wrong at all with my face it didn’t make any difference what so ever. My GP would say that I had mild to no acne at all and that I should stop worrying about it and stop picking. He said I didn’t need to go to a Dermatologist. I even went to have a food allergy test to see if I was allergic to anything and that was the problem. The women that I saw was lovely and said that I didn’t need to do this and that I was worrying about something that in her eyes was so mild if I left it alone it would be fine. I remember leaving the place in tears because I was so confused.
I would search the internet for products and methods to try and “cure” the problem I thought I had. I can’t tell you how much money I have wasted. It consumed my life completely and so much so that I just lost all hope as you did at one point. I wrote a suicide note and was planning to kill myself, and if it wasn’t for my wonderful brother and his quick actions I don’t know if I would still be here. I realise now that I didn’t want to leave this world like that but I felt I had no choice. I can draw endless similarities to your article but I wont right and essay about it there is only so much space here! But its good for me to write this I feel.
I have recently followed the exact same procedure with anti-depressants and a Psychiatrist. I recently discovered literally a week ago about Acne Dysmophia and it rang so true within me. I am slowly trying to get better and thinking of CBT myself. With the love and support of my friends and family I will do it, I know I will. Your article is just another great step for people trying to identify and cope with this kind of problem. Its wonderful of you to have done this, and extremely brave.
If anyone ever feels they need a chat or help via email please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Benny x
Hi Ben,
Thank you so much for your reply. I am glad that you are able to put a name to what you have and the way you are feeling. It helps knowing that we aren’t alone in this and that Acne Dismorphia is a very real and serious mental condition.
I am currently seeing a psychologist every week which is helping aswell as taking my antidepressants but I know that it is ultimately down to me to change the way I feel about my skin. I have good days and bad days as Im sure you do but Im determined to not let it beat me.
Im really glad that you are getting help and are no longer suffering in silence. Like you, it is really only my family that know what Im going through but I have a best friend Alex and she and her family have been wonderful and its sometimes easier to talk to someone outside your immediate family.
Take care and please let me know how you are doing and what is working for you it might give me some ideas.
We will beat it
Laura x x x
hello i saw this page in which u talked avout acne Dysmorphia. But if you were to say i had that, i really wouldnt believe it cause i can say that i have REALLY bad acne from my face to my back and let me tel u its not pretty. I have had suicidal thoughts but when i tell my mom and dad that i need help with this acne they just back off! they buy me all this S**T but it just dosnt work!!! it has affected my already messed up life by adding more to a depressive state of mind. my social life is so not good cause i (like i do) peoples first impression matters ALOT and that first impression on me is not the best cause of this acne condition. i just want to die sometimes and i guess i do need help?
hello! i was wondering if you would email me if you see this…i know i must have this, i just had no idea there was a name for what i had…i cry every single day becaues of my acne…and nobody even thinks i have an acne problem but i know its jjust becuase i have good makeup. ive suffered for years, and nothing workso n my skin…but now my skin is worse than ever and i am always getting cysts. they always leave marks too. im so obsessed with my skin, e verything revolves around it, i dont go out, i wont work, if im going out at night just by chance i wont do anything that day because i wont want to do my makeup twice…i wear masks at night just so i can look at myself without seeing the dots. im sooo depressed because of it, i cant stop crying, everyday the only thing i think about is my skin. i dont know what to do anymore, if i have acne for the rest of my life, id rather just not live honestly, its too hard living like this…everyday i just imagine what it would be like to have perfect skin. and it breaks my heart that i never ever will.
I posted above last week and i know how you feel. Im dealing with it too at the moment.
Kristen sorry to hear your having a tough. Have you spoken to your doctor or family about the difficulties you are having ? My advice is to not suffer alone with this, its best to get help or get some people around you that can be there for you. I was scared at first to tell people but slowly ive let certain ( a few ) people in and has really helped. ITs hard i know i have the same inner battle every single day. Just remember that the number 1 thing is that you will beat this, what ever it is or what ever you think it might be you will beat it!
regards Benny x
Hi kristen,
Thank you for your post.
Its clear to me that your acne is causing you extreme distress. I would take Benny’s advice and talk to someone perhaps your doctor and explain how your skin is making you feel.
Have you actually been diagnosed with any form of acne? If so ask to see a dermatologist and they will tell you what treatments would help. They always say that Acne is completely treatable with the right help.
But if no one else can see the things you see then I would perhaps suggest that you have more of a dismorphia like me and the other people who have posted.
If that is the case ask if you could be referred to a psychologist or someone who can give you cognative behavioural therapy to help you change the way you feel about your skin.
Remember nobody has perfect skin! I have days where I just want to curl up in a ball and make all the feelings go away about my skin. But then I have better days where I know that no ones skin is perfect and I stop comparing myself to airbrushed photos of models and celebrities who get spots and blemishes too just like anyone.
Take care and try and stay strong and please talk to someone about the way you are feeling.
Laura x x
Just wanted to say hello to Laura and anyone else on this page who has been having a tough time this week.
Have just had another set of laser treatment for my red patches of skin on my face. My parents begged me not to have another treatment as they don’t think I need it but I just feel that if my skin is always this red I can’t go on.
Having an terrible time now as the treatment that I had (which cost £300) made my skin come out in blisters which led to huge scabs on my face. The scabs have started to fall off and now I have ended up with red scars on my face which are worse than before and now I just don’t now what to do. I don’t want to go to work I just feel like quitting
I wanted to share my experience of laser treatment just to warn anyone who like me has sought more and more extreme treatments to cure the problem but please be carefull as you could end up worse than before.
I find this page really helpfull because I’ve never met anyone else who has the same feeling as I do. The Pschologist I spoke to said that 1 in a hundred people have this so we’re not alone.
I don’t know if anyone else agrees? but there does seem alot more pressure now to look perfect than ever before and I just feel so disgusting and every morning I wake up hoping that my skin will be better and I look in the mirror and I’m disappointed.
I am very close to my sister who I live with and she’s a great support but I do find it hard that she has perfect skin sometimes and I see her able to go out and do things and be confident and I just feel that I am permanently in a prison. I don’t see the point of going out when I feel this horrible.
I’m just waiting to see how the scars heal and trying to look after myself. If anyone else on the page is having a bad skin day and is upset please email me on lucinda_mills@hotmail.com . I know it sound naff but I think we need to stick together.
Lucinda
Hey Lucinda
Thank you much for sharing your experience of laser treatment I was seriously considering it but the more research I did about the possible after effects I decided against it. My dermatologist also said that I should avoid any laser treatment. Im sure your skin will heal in time.
I know it is difficult sometimes to get through the day but I have found that making myself do things that I had been previously scared or apprehensive about is helping me to overcome Acne Dismorphia. It shows me that things are not as bad as I thought they would be and not everyone is staring at me. Try not to let it take away the things that you enjoy in life. Its really good that you have someone close to talk to about it and who can be there for you. I find just talking though it with my parents helps me feel better.
I definately agree with the your opinion that there is a ridiculous amount of pressure, especially on girls to look a certain way thanks to all the glossy magazines of models with ‘perfect’ skin which has actually been airbrushed. But I am starting to realise that nobody looks like that in reality and we should stop comparing ourselves to them.
I really hope you feel better soon.
Feel free to email me anytime
Take care
Love Laura x x x
I just recently discovered this disorder on acne.org, and began to research it. The more I began to learn about it the more convinced I became that I had acne dysmorphia. I am relieved to know what is wrong with me. Somehow, I stumbled upon this page and read Laura’s story. I’m scared that this could be me in a couple of years, or even a couple of months.
Anyways, about myself. My name is Kaley and I’m 13 years old. I’ve struggled with acne for probably about a year. Recently, about the past few months, I have really become affected by my acne. I don’t go anywhere without makeup on. When I’m at a friends house I’ll ask to go to the bathroom just to analyze myself in the mirror. Its about noon here, and I’ve probably already looked at myself in the mirror a dozen times.
If I could, I would definitely go into therapy, get whatever medication possible. But I’m 13, and that would mean telling my parents, which just isn’t an option for me. Basically, support would be best for me now. Anyone, please email me at: xxmoonehxx@yahoo.com.
Also, I was reading other comments about airbrushing. Here is a site that has the before and after pictures: http://www.iwanexstudio.com/
Just click portfolio at the top of the page and then click on one of the pictures at the bottom to open it. Scroll over to see what they looked like before the re-touching.
Thank you so much for this article. I fear deeply that i may have this and i know it’s getting worse. All i’m caring about recently is my skin. I wont go out and do fun stuff because of it. I feel like i’m in a personal hell. Maybe i’ll trust my mom enough to show her this article, and get help. i hope to get better soon. =[.
Thank you!
I have worried so long about my skin.
Each day I struggle with finding clothes to wear that cover my back, arms and sometimes my neck.
I have hated myself because I am probably making my skin worse by making myself too hot in all these clothes.
I have also spent ages in the bathroom making my skin worse. Even if someone says I am pretty, I can’t belive them because they don’t see my skin, I keep it hidden.
My biggest worry is my boyfriend. I am worried so much about what he will say when he sees how badly spotty my arms and back are. I’m not exaggerating, they really are unsightly.
I’m worried he will thing I’m ugly and not want to be with me anymore.
Please can someone send me a message to make me feel a bit better?
Its been such a worry for so long and I have had no one to tell. I was too ashamed to tell my family, so have been anxiously suffering quietly for so long.
I have hated myself and suffered severe depression because of my skin. Its exhausting, especially when all my friends have beautiful skin and wear strapless tops displaying it.
Please give me your advice and help
xxx
Hello,
Thought i would post a few words for those who have recently posted. As you can see higher up the board I have been suffering like you for an awful long time.
To start i think he best piece of advice if any I can suggest to you is to not suffer in silence. Find someone who you can trust and you think will be able to listen, and sit down and talk to them.. You will feel so much better for it I promise you. If you don’t feel comfortable as yet talking to family members or friends then try and maybe organise speaking to a professional (psychotherapist). Having some one to listen or just to talk to, as a one off will help you feel that you are not alone in this. Always remember that. Some people I know prefer talking to someone completely new like a professional.
I do hope you make some progress soon.
Big hugs
Benny
Hi Samantha,
Thank you so much for sharing how you feel I know how difficult it can be. I used to have the same worries about how my boyfreind would think I was ugly because of my skin. But he has never treated me any differently and I don’t think your boyfriend would either. He is with you because he wants to be and if he let a tiny physical flaw change the way he feels about you then really he is not worth being with because if someone loves you, they accept every part of you for who you are.
If you are really concerned about the acne on your body please go and see your doctor, they see thousands of cases probably a lot worse than yours and they are there to help you, not judge you if thats what if worrying you. They will help you find the right product to treat your acne and should help you feel lots better.
Please remember aswell that true beauty comes from within and is not simply a measure of how clear your skin is.
I hope that I have been some help
Take care
Love Laura x x x x x
To Laura
You have helped me but things in perspective, and to think about my skin more positively. I will go to a doctor.
Love Samantha
Thanks for your support I appreciate it.
Hi, I had no clue that other peple felt like this. I have been going through this since I was 12 I am 29 now. I have spent thousands of dollars on treatments. I am not rich but, any mony that I got went to treatments or make-up for covering it up.
I have been clinically diagnosed with depression, severe anxiety and, agorafobia .
When people ask me whats wrong ,and why I don’t want to go out or participate in anything, I mean that I have not been or done alot of stuff that I could have. I just say I don’t feel good or something.
I don’t think I have bad skin but I do. Thats the only way I can discribe it. I have some whitheads and congested pores. Probly from all the stuff I have used.
I had a bad case of acne when I was younger its not as bad but it feels the same.
I don’t see anyone on t.v with pimples or acne. I don’t see people at the the store with it either. Where are these people are they at home? I feel like I am being constantly looked at and laughed at. I feel like no one else has this problem, I feel like an alien with crap on my face how dare I let someone see it.
I asked the doctor to give antibiotic and he said your case of acne is not bad enough. I have been suicidal at times.
If anyone thinks that this is just some stupid thing called Acne Dysmorphia and that its not a big deal. Then your stupid. It exists and it is all to real.
People with this are very imbarrased to even tell anyone about their problem thats the whole reason why they have the disorder we do not want anyone to see it.
I wonder how many people actually have killed their self over this. I almost did.
Jennifer
Hi Jennifer,
I think that it is fantastic you have decided to share your story.Thank you. We need to raise the awareness of Acne Dysmorphia and make people see the mentally destroying condition that it is. I can completely empathise with your feelings of suicide there have still been times that I have contemplated it but not since I have been seeing my Psychologist which I think has been really helpful. Have you thought about seeing a Psychologist? I think you might really benefit from talking to one, like I have.
I think that people on TV and in magazines give false impressions of their skins condition. Pictures are always airbrushed and people on TV have special make-up and lighting. It’s realising things like this, which are helping me to control my Acne Dysmorphia more and more. I refuse to let it beat me and stop me doing the things I want to do and accomplish in life, you should tell yourself the same. Almost get angry with it and say NO! Im not going to let these feelings make me feel this way about my skin and myself.
I force myself to go out when I don’t want to and am worried about my skin but once I have done them it makes me see that they are not as bad as I anticipated they would be. I find that I feel better on days when I don’t look in the mirror so much and pick my skin apart by inspecting every tiny flaw or imperfection. If you find yourself acting similar to me try not to do that as much.
If a medical profession does not think you need an antibiotic doesn’t that help you see that no one else sees your skin the way you do? Or does it just make no difference?
Please feel free to email me through Fran if you want to talk further privately or if not that is absolutley fine
Take care and thank you again for sharing your story.
Love Laura x x x
Dear Laura,
I have been to the Psychologist a couple of times. They told me my case didn’t meet the criteria to be seen again ,due to the guidlines of my insurance company. He tried to put me on zoloft again. I have also been on paxil and adivan in the past.
None of the medication stopped me from trippin on my skin.
I tried to tell my boyfriend last night that I think that I have this condition called Acne Dysmorphia
he looked at me like I was nuts.
I have not been outside for about 8 days, because of an breakout that I have created for myself from squeezing and picking with tweezers. I will try and stop looking in the mirror as much like you said. But it is so hard to do. Talking about this realy is helping me. More than anything that I have tried to do. Just knowing that I’m not alone in this.
Thank you so much, Jennifer
Hey Jennifer,
I’m glad you feel that you are not alone in this, I can’t tell you the relief I felt when I found there was a name for the way I was feeling and that I wasn’t just going mad.
I think that your boyfriend’s reaction may be due to the fact that there is so little published about Acne Dysmorphia that no one really knows what it is. My boyfriend acted similarly but then I gave him an article explaining what the condition actually is it helped him understand. He is now incredibly supportive and I think it is because he now knows exactly why I act the way I do sometimes and do not want to go out on occasions.
I know it is really hard not to look in the mirror. I found reading a great distraction from looking in the mirror too much as you can completely loose yourself in a book and before you know it hours have passed. Maybe you could try that? Or if you don’t like reading have a nice long bath or do some relaxation techniques like Yoga or Tai Chi. You need to take your mind off it and not let the negativity consume your mind. I know you might feel as if this is the way you are always going to feel, but I promise you it’s not. I have come such a long way since last October I have even applied for a part-time job and am looking foward to Uni which I never ever thought I would. Just try and take small steps like a walk to your local shop or go to a park with your boyfriend. Fresh air helps clear the mind a bit, it really isn’t healthy to stay indoors for such a long time, it gives you too much time to think and focus on the way you think your skin looks and it makes it seem way out of proportion. I would go back to your GP and insist that you want some help. Take my article in or something that describes Acne Dysmorphia, I doubt they will turn you away.
Always remember, that you are not alone in this Ok? I’m here to talk to whenever you want to.
Take care Jennifer
Loev Laura x x x
Jennifer,
I’m glad you feel that you are not alone in this, I can’t tell you the relief I felt when I found there was a name for the way I was feeling and that I wasn’t just going mad.
I think that your boyfriend’s reaction may be due to the fact that there is so little published about Acne Dysmorphia that no one really knows what it is. My boyfriend acted similarly but then I gave him an article explaining what the condition actually is it helped him understand. He is now incredibly supportive and I think it is because he now knows exactly why I act the way I do sometimes and do not want to go out on occasions.
I know it is really hard not to look in the mirror. I found reading a great distraction from looking in the mirror too much as you can completely loose yourself in a book and before you know it hours have passed. Maybe you could try that? Or if you don’t like reading have a nice long bath or do some relaxation techniques like Yoga or Tai Chi. You need to take your mind off it and not let the negativity consume your mind. I know you might feel as if this is the way you are always going to feel, but I promise you it’s not. I have come such a long way since last October I have even applied for a part-time job and am looking foward to Uni which I never ever thought I would. Just try and take small steps like a walk to your local shop or go to a park with your boyfriend. Fresh air helps clear the mind a bit, it really isn’t healthy to stay indoors for such a long time, it gives you too much time to think and focus on the way you think your skin looks and it makes it seem way out of proportion. I would go back to your GP and insist that you want some help. Take my article in or something that describes Acne Dysmorphia, I doubt they will turn you away.
Always remember, that you are not alone in this Ok? I’m here to talk to whenever you want to.
Take care Jennifer
Love Laura x x x
Laura, reading your story along with everyone elses helps me realize that I am not alone when facing this situation. I endure alot of pyschological problems and this just happens to be one of the bigger ones. Ever since I can remember I have been obsessed with the my looks and how people think of me. But these past two years have been definetly the hardest. I am to the point where I avoid all social situations and have cut off all connections with my friends so I dont have to make up excuses anymore for not going out. Along with that, ive had to quit my job because it was mentally impossible to push myself out the door every morning. I am starting college in less than a week and I am so afraid that this horrible fetish I have is going to affect my being successful. I keep telling myself that all this is just a phase, and I am going to grow up and get over it. But I know everytime I say that I am merely sabotaging myself. I hope someday you, and I, and everybody else for that matter, who struggles with this can finally look past the minor flaws and learn to love and accept ourselves as hard as that is to do sometimes. Thankyou for being so brave and sharing your story with everyone. You truly don’t know how helpful it is.
Hi Kate,
First of all please don’t be scared about starting college. I am starting University in October and it has really given me a goal to aim for and in many ways has helped. Don’t think that everyone is there to judge you, everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives they don’t really look at you in as much detail as you might think. No one would judge you on your skin, do you judge other people about their skin before even getting to know them? I know I don’t even though a persons’ skin is the first thing I seem to look at because of my obsession with my own I wouldn’t think any less of a person who had acne at all.
I can understand completely about feeling you have to cut off all contact with your friends so they won’t start get weird about the endless excuses you make for not going out with them. I have two close friends who know what I have been through and have seen my at my worst and at my best. Maybe you should try and explain to your friends what you are going through.
I had to quit my job aswell and that was difficult but I am looking for a new part-time one to help me get better and take my mind off my skin.
You cannot tackle Acne Dysmorphia on your own, trust me. Please go to your doctor and explain how you feel and how you think your skin looks and how miserable you are feeling.
I too really hope we can all one day get past obsessing over little imperfections and accept that no one has the skin that we see in magazines. That is what I try to tell myself but when I see all the spots and marks up close in the mirror it doesn’t seem to help me much. I really want to beat it and get on with my life, like we all do but we cannot do it alone.
Take care
Love Laura xx xx
I hate my face. I have razor burn every time i shave and it looks terrible all over my neck and tyen there are boils too. I am terrified of shaving because it reveals all the disgusting blemishes on my face, i feel like dying. I cant even talk to this girl im seeing at work for too long cuz i feel like im gross when i have these weird breakouts. I dont know if what i have is acne dysmorphia cuz its not really acne just ingrown hairs that are all over my neck and then boils show up whenever they want and its not just a spot or two its like a few dozen and then some larger ones ugghhh. Its ruined my dating life my social life i feel like im in such a dark place right now and im really a happy person until this crap happens. I look at all the other guys faces and they are fine, even after they shave its like not a single friggin one has to deal with this except me. I know there are people out there with this problem but i just hate being one of them, i just feel so numb from the pain its caused. Well didnt mean to ramble, but if your still there maybe you can help me figure out if this is what i have cuz it sounds similar to what im dealing with. Thanks Scott
i have a very hard time with doctors. it seems that all they want to do is fill you up on drugs so that they can get some money, although i know it is not the case with all doctors… i went to a dermatologist a few months ago to get some professional help with my mild acne, but it didnt take long for her to give me some antibiotics. she hadnt looked at my face for even two minutes! more and more i am hearing stories from people that suffer from acne caused by depression and stress, and how they just go for the “quick fix” by picking up some anti-depressants. why dont they get down to the core of it and find out why they are depressed and sort out their lives?? i know sometimes there are some wounds that are pretty deep but have been covered up over the years, but i have found that finding out why your depressed is probably the BEST solution to get you on the road to clearer skin. unless of coarse you have some kind of chemical imbalance or whatever, i dont believe that taking anti-depressants is the way to get rid of your depression, drugs cannot hide or heal the wounds.
First let me say that I have silently been browsing acne forums and articles for the past year looking for an explanation for what I have and I have not written anything myself until now. This article and all the ensuing comments have made it obvious to me that this is a serious problem with many acne sufferers. I’d like to share my story because I think it illustrates why this is a MENTAL problem and NOT a skin problem for many of us (those with “mild to moderate acne”).
I had really bad acne for the early part of high school. After the dermatologist put me on accutane my acne eventually cleared up completely – and I remained clear, and I mean completely clear, not one zit, for 7 years. A year after graduating college and starting a job which I hated, I began to notice that I was starting to have breakouts (I was 23 at the time). At first I didn’t pay them any attention because I was so used to clear skin that I expected them to disappear just as quickly as they had appeared. However, as time passed, my acne got worse and worse. But it wasn’t like my adolescent acne – this acne was much more cystic in nature and only appeared on one part of my face, which I found very odd.
About half a year after I started breaking out, I became extremely passionate about photography. So passionate that I forgot about my skin entirely and channeled all the energy that I used to put into taking care of my skin, into my photos. My skin instantly cleared up and remained clear for the next 6 months. And here’s the kicker – I didn’t do anything to my skin, I don’t even remember washing or putting moisturizer on my skin during those 6 months, and it was completely clear.
Unfortunately, once the “wow factor” of discovering my new photography passion started to subside, my acne stared to reappear, and it has been with me for the past year on and off – and it has truly been a year of living hell for me with all the anxiety and social phobia symptoms discussed by the many commenters here. I check the mirror RELIGIOUSLY and if I discover a new blemish it is the end of the world. Many times I end up making my acne worse by picking at it so hard that I cause lesions on my skin. I am lucky because my skin does not scar easily from acne, but in a way that makes me more likely to pick at my face nonstop. I’m sure that I have strong symptoms of Acne Dysmorphia, but I’m also sure that I have overcome it on my own before just by refocusing and finding something that is more important than my face. Thinking about it now I have no idea how I did that because all I wish for these days is a clear face and it is undoubtedly the most important thing to me. I should also mention that I went to see an acupuncturist who told me that the acne was completely stress related. I only get acne on the right portion of my face from my temple up. And I have very tense neck muscles, which are supposedly linked to the upper part of the face in traditional Chinese medicine – all the doctors who say acne is not stress related need to be reeducated.
Here’s one technique that has worked for me in the past (better than all acne medications that I have tried combined, and I have tried them all) that some of you should consider trying. Keep a rubber band around your wrist and any time you start to walk towards a mirror to check your skin or any time your hands start to go into a “vengeful skin picking rampage” grab hold of that rubber band and flick it against your skin as hard as you can. And when I say hard I mean HARD. Your mind will instantly turn its focus away from your skin and onto the throbbing pain inflicted by the rubber band. After a few days of this you eventually won’t need the rubber band anymore, but the problem is that it’s easy to slip back into mirror checking mode once your skin clears up – your best bet is to make it a lifelong habit to NOT be concerned with how your face looks, I’m not there yet, but hopefully will be soon.
Anyway I just thought I’d share my experience to let others know that acne can absolutely be a MENTAL condition more than a skin condition. The times when my face has been clearest is when I have completely forgotten about it (in fact the only reason I knew it was clear is from pictures since I never cared enough to check my face). If you can learn to free your mind from constantly monitoring your face, you have an extremely good chance of freeing yourself of acne. Unfortunately it’s a catch 22 – you can’t get rid of acne until you stop caring about it. It’s difficult, it’s cruel, and it is a mental mind f*ck, but from my experience it’s the only way. I just wish I could find my way back to the times when I just didn’t care about my face… I wish we all could. Good luck to you all.
Anonymous Male,
Thank you for taking the time to write your story and share it with us.
I think it is interesting the way that channelling all your anger about your skin into photography helped your skin clear up. I think that by giving ourselves a distraction can really help us forget about our skin and make us stress less.
I don’t really like the idea of inflciting pain on myself to distract me from looking in the mirror but I can see how it might work. I prefer to think about something else, or pick up a book. I would love to not care what my skin looks like but I think I always will and just some days will be better than others. I had a period of about 6 weeks were my skin looked clearer which made me happier and stopped me looking in the mirror for so long. But for about a week now I have been upset again. I can see all little lumps and bumps on my left cheek and have got a huge spot on my chin that is really getting me down.
I am really happy that you feel you have control over it and you sound like you are doing really well. I wish I could be more like that.
Take care
Laura xx
wow. i just read your article, laura, and all the responses to your article. i have been dealing with acne since the age of 10. i’m now 36. my acne seemed to subside in my twenty’s, but it left scars. so in my late 20’s i started obsessing about my scars. this lead to laser treatments, which didn’t work. i started to get very obsessed with my skin. i refused to leave the house without makeup. and, in retrospect, my skin wasn’t that bad (compared to now). if i had a guy spend the nite, i refused to wash my face, cuz i didn’t want him to see me without makeup! if he did spend the nite, i would get up earlier than him to make sure my skin looked presentable. i do believe these past five years my obsession with my skin has completely aggrevated my acne. now i have terrible, pitted, pockmarked skin…i think because of acne dysmorphia. my derm insists i start taking accutane. he told me, “usually i’m trying to talk people out of taking accutane, but you really need it, you have extensive scarring.” not what I wanted to hear. needless to say, i have no social life. no joy in my life. not alot of friends. i’m ashamed of how i look. i’m tired of complete strangers trying to give me advice on my acne. i really, really hate my face.
Shomakhang,
Thank you for reading my article and giving us all some information about yourself. I think if you have had acne it is so easy to get obsessed with your skin and every little imperfection reminds you of how your skin used to be. The thing with Acne Dysmorphia is that it is a physchological thing, I am really struggling at the moment and am spending hours everyday in the mirror trying to ‘fix’ all the red marks, spots and clogged pores on my face, it is making me so miserable compared to a few weeks ago when I was doing really well. My family are getting really angry and saying that there is nothing there. I feel right back at square one and to make it worse Im starting Uni in October, Im petrified.
If a dermatologist has told you that you have extensive scarring surely the treatment he has prescribed you should help? I think you are suffering not necessarily from Acne Dysmorphia but depression that can be linked with having acne and its scars it can leave. I only think this is the case because a dermatologist has put you on Accutane and if you had Acne Dysmorphia I don’t think he would be giving you skin treatment but a referal to a psychologist. I do however understand that you could feel that you suffered from Acne Dysmorphia in the past and that this has given you problems with your skin now.
Have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel about your skin and how it is limiting your daily life? I think it is really important for you to go and talk to somebody to help you understand that there will be many people out there with skin worse than yours who are able to live normal lives and not even think about their skin. I wish I could be like those people too.
Please let me know how you get on, there are many treatments available for acne scarring I am sure your dermatologist will help you.
Take care and try and stay positive, I know it is hard
Love Laura xx xx
Hi, its me again Jennifer
I just wanted to share with you what was going on with me now. I still have breakouts nothing has changed there but one thing has changed, I went to a doctor and told him what was going on he said I should think about trying some cannabis as a medication. I was like what? He said that alot of people with mental illness
try it to see if it helps instead of pills, that have a slew of side effects especially when taken for a long period of time.
So I got a cannabis card and bought some medication and it seems to work its been 2 weeks now. I have seen a change I haven’t cared when I go into public if they see my acne. I haven’t been stressing out, I only have a few pimples right now and they are healing. And I’m not picking and poking anymore thats a big change.
In conclusion I’m not saying that this will work for everyone, I have a mental illness that seems to be under control due to a prescribed medication.
I’ll check back later for up-dates.
Lots of love, Jen
Hi Jennifer,
I am actually astonished that your GP prescribed you cannabis considering all the psychological problems it causes such as paranoia, delusions and hallucinations. And because acne dysmorphia is based on the sufferer having deluded beliefs about their skin I personally do not think this is the best choice of medication. ( not that I am trying to undermine a qualified professional)
I am glad that you feel it is working for you but I am really worried about the long term problems smoking cannabis can cause. I hope you don’t feel that I am being too negative, I just do not want other people to think that the cure for acne dysmorphia is to smoke cannabis. As I feel it may even exacerbate the problem in the long run. I dont know if anyone else agrees?
I would appreciate any other comments about this.
Love Laura xx
I can’t believe how much better my face looks, I have never been this clear since I started breaking out. I do feel like I should clarify my situation. I also have a herniated disk in my back and for the most part the doc said that the meds I was taking might have been contributing to my acne ,anxiety and ,stress and wanted to take me off of the pills. He recommended a doc that prescribes cannabis. The cannabis doc said that he gets a lot of cases that have to do with stress and anxiety disorders.
He said not only will the cannabis help my back pain but it will help with stress and anxiety. My acne most of it anyway was brought on by stress. When I broke out I then got more stressed. I also do not smoke it, the doctor told me to use a vaporizor. There is no smoke involved. Medical cannabis does not give all the side effects like paranoia,delusions and hallucinations. I have not experienced anything like that.
It seems to be working for me so far.
Love, Jen
Thanks so much for your story!
I used to really obsess when I only had a few and now that I have more I’m in such a horrible mood. Every single day I just cry and cry about my skin because even though I attempt to cover with makeup it still doesn’t cover well. Today I looked in my mirror at school and I just started crying. I refuse to go to school if my makeup is looking “not as normal as usual” I don’t like going anywhere…it’s really affecting me.
I’ve been considering suicide for awhile now but I try to convince myself that it’ll get better but I’m not even that sure anymore. It’s like I’m in a constant battle, always trying to convince myself that my skin isn’t that bad and that I should live.
I just don’t know what to do.
I feel so sorry for you I no exactly what you mean
Laila. Kids at school used to look at me like I was the elephant man, and I felt like it. I eventualy stoped going to school and went to home school in the 8th grade, I never went to high school. I realy regret that now.
I remember I wrote a suicide note that asked not to have an open casket. I was so horrible to people around me no one could help. My family used to say “oh its not that bad”
If it was on their face then they wouldn’t feel that way.
The only thing that I can sugest to you is not to pick and pop them anymore it doesn’t help it at all. I know that you might think it does,all it does is agrivate it.
I recently left a comment on here that a doc prescribed med. cannabis I am taking that but I also am useing extra streght proactiv
not regular proactiv the regular one doesn’t help enough. At first it will make your skin flaky ,but you know what I don’t care I don’t have bumps on my face.
Just use a good moisterizer. Take it from me I have had acne since I was 12 I am 29 and still have it, it doesn’t clear up on its own. I have spent thousands of dollars on stuff nothing works better than extra streght proactiv. I figure I will use it until somthing else comes out better than it.
you can e-mail if you want to, jnngd4@aol.com
Lots of love, Jen
Laura im on the verge of suicide..i have a few acne scars which i didnt have and it feels hopeless..theres so much i want to say but i want to break free..i used to be a confident guy…i used to model and such ..everything was fine..this was always in me though..i havent seen a friend in 6 months..im stuck in my room..with a laptop..i have msn…i need someone to talk too:( camikazi_kid@hotmail.com xx
I believe that I had acne dysmophia as well, maybe i still have it now, I’m not sure but, I used to be obessed with my skin as well. I started breaking out when I was 12 years old, but just one-three spots, I considered them severe as well at that time, because I was being teased at school. I couldn’t believe that I thought I was having severe acne! Just like you I put on every product possible on my face, and now, I’m 20 and have permanent scars on my face! This has the worst my skin has gotten. Although, I’ve thought about suicide many times, I’m not that selfish to leave my family, especially my beloved little sister. Now, I just quit using accutane after 5 months of muscle pain, bleeding nose, hair loss, and mood swings and still persisting cystic acne!
i swear i have this to an extent….i am literally obsessed with my skin (i no that sounds vain) and the forming of a spot is literally a nightmare 4 me! i pick n scratch n do put loads of creams etc on my face 2 get rid of spots wich makes them look worse. i have broke down in tears sometimes about my skin, n wil avoid goin out if i think its a “bad skin” day because i feel evry1 is lookin at my face thinkin eurgh. a spot wil decrease my confidence and make me miserable and the state of my skin literally controls my moods. =S
Hey, Rachel
I have just had it with my skin too… I have those days that I just look in the mirror and say to myself
“you can’t go out like that”
Well, right now I am in a mood that you know what to hell with it. I don’t feel like wearing coverup anymore
I think it just makes it look worse anyway.
And that might be the whole reason why I get breakouts.
I thought that I had realy tough skin cause of the acne but you know what, I have sensitive skin. I think everyone with acne has sensitive skin and needs to treat their skin that way.
Like useing cetaphil cleanser and moisturize, you know gentle stuff. All this acne stuff just makes you break out more and more. I used proactive for 6 years and still broke out. I looked up the ingredients in it and It had pore clogging ingredients! I wrote proactive an e-mail asking them why they had pore clogging stuff in their products and they just sent me an e-mail back explaining how to use it. lol ,I guess they didn’t want to answer my Question. So I stopped using it.
Jen
Hi Laura and Others,
Thanks for sharing your stories candidly. As a long time acne sufferer, I know that is one of the most difficult things to do.
Here’s my story. Prior to the age of 16, my skin was flawless and I was constantly getting complimented on my looks. After 16 though, I started having acne which went from mild to severe and continued in severe form till I was about 30. It was impossible not to notice the compliments fade away and the awkward stares begin…
Between 16 and 30, my life was a complete mess socially. I hated getting up in the morning and looking in the mirror. Going to school and then subsequently going to work in the morning was a constant struggle. I spent weekends crying locked up in my home, shopped for groceries in the wee hours of the morning, didn’t go to malls or movies, avoided contact with friends, relatives and strangers alike. My parents were affectionate and understanding but couldn’t offer much advice to cope with the acne and make it go away.
Life seemed hopeless and although I never contemplated suicide, all I felt like doing was sleeping my days away locked up in my bedroom and not go anywhere.
Fast forward to today (i’m 35 now). I’m happily married, have a wonderful wife and a beautiful daughter, great career and life’s just about as normal as can be. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t suddenly find a magic cure or that one day my skin cleared up. My skin is still scarred from the acne and I do get pimples from time to time, but gone are the massive breakouts that would invade my face with huge pimples and more importantly, gone is that obsession with wondering what others are thinking about my appearance. What I’ve realized in the past 5 years is that I was my own worst enemy and instead of helping, hurt my cause. Based on my experiences, here’s my advice for anyone who cares. It’s a brain dump and not very organized, but factual.
1. Don’t give up hope, there ABSOLUTELY IS light at the end of the tunnel. Does this mean your acne will stop? Not necessarily. In most cases, it does get milder with age. More importantly though, you’ll stop obsessing with it a lot less with the passage of time. And life will present other things to focus on. THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, even if it feels like it.
2. Do see a qualified medical professional if your acne is severe, however please don’t take their word as absolute truth. I was put on antibiotics by my doctor and although it helped for a bit, it never made the problem go away and then slowly the drugs started losing their effect. But I was addicted and could not get off them because stopping them would bring out monster break-outs. It took a lot of effort to get off the antibiotic and if I knew then what I do now, I would’ve never started them.
A lot of dermatologists will tell you that there’s no connection between diet and acne that generalization is the biggest lie as far as I’m concerned. I know EXACTLY what foods to eat to trigger a breakout and in my case, this was the major cause. You have to figure out yourself what foods trigger your acne (and you may be one of the lucky ones where food does not affect you), but please use common sense and avoid foods like soda, coffee, chocolate, junk foods etc. These are not good for you anyways and even if they don’t trigger acne, stopping them will give you other health benefits. Eating healthy and not succumbing to glitzy marketing is the least you can do for yourself, acne or no acne.
3. Please DO NOT quit work because of what your face looks like. This is the WORST thing you can do. YES, some people will stare and YES, some people may make comments. Ignore them, because these are temporary and don’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. One thing I realized as a acne sufferer is that I was always my harshest critic and did more damage to my self-esteem than any other individual ever could. My perception of what people were thinking about me was a 1000 times worse than what they actually could have been. My confidence jumped significantly and life got much better once I learned to ignore people. If somebody has a problem with your face because of a condition you have no control over, its THEIR problem, not yours! Don’t let them ruin your life, they’re not important enough and not worth it. The MAJORITY of the people don’t really care that much about your acne and are more concerned with the work you do.
That is not to say I never skipped work because of huge pimples on my face. But I found that doing that only made things worse. For some reason, staying at home by myself and being depressed and stressed made my acne worse. On the contrary, if I did go to work regardless, it was easier to not obsess over it and that somehow made the break-outs fade faster.
4. Don’t lose your sense of humor. People with acne are as qualified to make jokes and laugh as anybody else and the only thing preventing you from doing so is YOU. Who cares what others think, laugh out aloud, it is the best remedy for you. Go out, watch movies and socialize. Make friends with people who can look past your pimples. Believe it or not, there are people like that out there and they are in the majority per my experiences. Ignore people who seem to be making comments or staring at you and making you uncomfortable.
5. Read lots of self-help books and recognize that there are MANY wonderful and meaningful things in life for you to enjoy. YES YOU, with the pimples on your face! Travel if you can, read about and meet different people and you’ll realize that people have problems FAR WORSE than acne. Don’t mean to preach, but it’s a fact. The only reason you don’t enjoy things as much being an acne sufferer is because YOU choose to not enjoy them as much. Do some charity, help others in need, it’s a wonderful feeling and makes you realize fairly quickly that your face isn’t where the spotlight of the world is pointing.
Ultimately, it would’ve been nice to look like a Tom Cruise or something, but that wasn’t meant to be for me. The truth is though (and it took a few years to realize this) that I don’t feel any less blessed because when I get home from work, I see absolutely no bias in the eyes of my 4 yr. old daughter who makes a mad dash to jump on me and hug me. That’s what matters! People who truly love me (my wife, parents and some great friends) couldn’t care less about my acne.
If you introspect and give this some thought, you’ll realize that this isn’t rocket-science and I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Good luck!
wow! your amazing!!
please laura help me… I look in the mirror and cry almost everytime. My friends tell me that I don’t have that bad of acne but I can’t stand the sight of it. Its come to the point of me hating people just for looking at me. I am anti social now and its stopping me from doing so many things. I want to just rip my skin off and start over new. I could not figure out how to contact you privately so i decided to leave you this note. Contact me please at brent_soccer16@hotmail.com
I am begging you for help.
Your story really touched me in so many ways. I’ve been obessing over my face for about a good five to four months. And to be honest it has worsen how I feel about my self. It’s a really big damper on everything. I hate that I can’t live my life without wearing about my skin and new break outs. I feel ugly inside and I’ve tried every skin over the counter products some help some worsen. Every once in a while I’ll cover my face up in BP Benzoyl proxide
but it makes mine red and ugly ugly. Some times I bang my head into the mirror because I am so ugly about my skin one time I head myself so hard I busted my nose and yesterday I threw my mirorr up against the wall minus cutting my wrists 
i dunno what to do it is horrible worst in the world feeling wanting to die yup
Hi Amanda
Thanks for the post. I have been feeling really bad for about 2 weeks now which is very very long for me. I just break down in tears when I look at my face or touch it I havent been out for a while except to go see my doctor. Have you seen your doctor about how you feel about your skin? My family tell me they cant see it and I only see it bcos I hold a mirror upto my face for hours at a time and magnify it out of proportion. I just want an end to this. Have you looked into CBT aswell as finding a treatment for your skin? What type of acne do you believe you have and does everyone else think it is as bad as you do? Let me know then I may beable to suggest a few things to help you.
Take care Amanda
Laura x x x
aww your story was so sad! i think im dealing with acne dismorphia just a bit . For around 3 months now i have had these spots and just won’t go away and every morning i just try picking at them and getting rid of them . I get annoyed and upset and my family just think im ovverreacting as it’s just on my chin and they are not that bad . But i think it is , when i go out i have to cover my chin somehow or look down so no one can see and i’m just afraid someone will look at me and say something. They look really bad to me and everytime i get a new spot i get aggitated and annoyed and upset . I really don’t know why!! i feel emmbarressed aswell talking about it because i’m a boy and it embarresses me even though anyone gets acne. I sort of know it is just spots or mild acne but it just gets me down so much . Every morning ill try not to look in the mirror or think about it but when i see them i get annoyed again. They are getting a little bit better but still look really bad to me . Have you got any simple ideas or anything i could do to stop me overreacting?? Thanks you so much and i hope you are better now aswell .
Hi Laura, i can relate to everything you are going through, same as the others on here. I’ve had severe cystic acne for about 13 years now and i think i’ve had acne dysmorhia for at least 12 years! It has ruined my life and I feel it has held me back in alot of ways! I have’nt had a proper relationship because of it, have’nt been successful in careers, jobs etc… dropped out of uni beacuse i just could’nt cope, all i could think of was my skin same as you were! The really frustrating thing is i used to be a good looking boy at school before all this, i was popular with girls, confident, outgoing type personality etc… I feel cheated in life, like this is’nt the way my life should have turned out! I know i would have been more successful in life had i stayed the way i was before and i know for a fact i would have had a girlfriend and probably moved out of home by now. As it is, my confidence and self esteem is at rock bottom, i’m suicidally depressed all the time, going now where in my life, no proper career or job, i just think whats the point! I remember when i finished college and it was time to go to uni, i was really worried about going, i did’nt really want to go being in the frame of mind i was in, obsessed with my skin and severely depressed… but i went anyway and failed miserably! Like you were i could’nt take anything in, my skin just dominated everything! I played for the football team and was one of the best players there but because i could’nt face people socially i did’nt get involved with the whole thing. As i’m sure you know its all about the social life at uni and i just could’nt function due to my problems! On the assignements i did manage to do i got good grades but i fell behind on the majority of the work and as a result did’nt pass. Everyone there just thought i was a loser! That annoyed me because would’nt be like that if i did’nt have this problem, i’d be better than most of them! But then you can never explain this to people if they have’nt had the same thing, they just don’t have a clue how debilitating and how difficult it is! The thing is with me, my acne really has been that severe, its not just a case of me making it that way in my head! I am currently being reffered to the facial clinic to get the cysts cut out my face and get laser treatment on the scars. I know that if i sort the problem out i won’t be obsessed with my skin and i’ll be able to concentrate on getting somewhere in life! I just want to be back to normal again, Its nice to see so many other people with the same problem, makes me feel like i’m not so alone! Although at the same time i hope it gets better for all of you so you don’t have to suffer with it as long as i have!
Brett,
Thank you so much for your post I am sadly still battling with acne dysmorphia and am waiting to see my pscyhologist again. Have you been to your doctor and explained how your spots are making you feel? If not I would suggest doing that first. It is very hard for other people to understand because other people dont see us the way we see ourselves, I get so close in a mirror I can count every pore on my face and I know its just feeding the dysmorphia but I can help it.
Try to stop picking at it because from experience it only makes it ten times worse. There are lots of creams and things our there but try not to overload your skin.
As a way of coping, I sometimes use hypnosis CD’s to calm me down or read a book or something. Just try anything that will take your mind away from your skin and that will keep your hands away from your face.
I hope you feel better soon and please go and see your doctor and tell them exactly how you feel, they are not going to care if you are a boy and are struggling with this you are a patient like everyone else.
Take care
Laura x x x
Matt
Thank you for writing your post I found so many similarities in your story to mine.
I am just about to do my Uni exams but my mind is on my skin so much Im finding it hard to study and take anything in. Everyday is a constant battle but I am going back to my Psychologist as I cant do it alone anymore.
Are you seeing a psychologist at the moment? If not I would suggest your see your doctor about a possible appointment with one. They may try techniques such as cognitive behavioural therapy that could help you cope much better and get more out of life.
With regards to friends and relationships I know it can be really difficult and I find myself pushing friends away because Im too scared to let them see me and my skin. But at the same time I know that friends do not judge on the basis of a skin condition and the same goes for relationships. My boyfriend has been fantastic about my acne dysmorphia and he loves me for me and says he doesnt care what I look like. That is something you should bare in mind because if someone didnt want to be with you just because of your skin, they were never worth knowing.
I wish you luck with overcoming your problems and please get help and feel free to message me if you want anyone to talk to.
Good luck
Laura x x x
Hi Laura, i am under a psycholgist who has referred me for CBT and i’ve started taking meds again. The main thing i want to do in conjuction with this is to get rid of the skin problem and the scars! Then and only then will i be happy and be able to move forward in my life, its as simple as that. I wish i could just have the confidence and drive to get somewhere in life anyway, but with these problems i just don’t! All i want to do is go to sleep and never wake up unless i can wake up being the way i was before, with normal skin etc… I hate my life and the way its turned out cos of this, such a cruel, unfair thing to happen to someone with so much going for them! If there was a person responsible for this i would hurt them badly but there is’nt, its just life, some are lucky, some extremely unlucky! I’m just venting, sorry… after 12 years of having this, you turn into an angry, twisted old git like me! I’m only 26 and i find myself moaing like an old man, reminising about the good old days before all this happened!
Hi Laura.
I can really identify with what you’re talking about. I am 17 and have suffered from body dysmorphic disorder for 2 years. My main fixation is my skin, which i have done the damage to, if i left it along not obsessing for the “perfect” complexion i wouldn’t be left with the faint purple scars i have today. I will not let anyone see me with out make up, i want to look perfect but i just don’t. I find living up to this charade exhausting. I spend hours in front of mirrors touching up my make up. I have had numerous breakdowns wanting to kill myself. Instead of going out all the time, i’ve had to take a year off school, i have CBT therapy which hasn’t helped much, and i find it difficult to talk to new people, even in a shop, i get a stress rash and in public i feel like everyone is staring at me. Deep down i know the problem is in my head. I feel like i’m faulty.
I have been on anti depressants which helped at first but i think my body got used to them and the effects wore off, i was then on two at once which wasn’t good and probably shouldn’t have been prescribed. i have been frustrated with the lack of process and one day stopped taking them. At least i know what i feel is me now.
This isn’t how it should be, i should be out there in the world. But i feel like life isn’t for me or something. I’m not strong enough or good enough, too scared. Like there’s a malfunction in me, and i’ll never make my way. I’ll never feel good enough about myself.
I cried when I read this article, as much with relief that there was a name for what I had. I have spent the last 15 years being fixated with my skin. I continually check my face in the mirror; in fact I will go to public toilets to solely use their mirror. I also have to look at my face under natural and synthetic light before I leave the house, just so I get a more accurate assessment of how my skin looks. If something is out of place, I will reapply my make-up many times until I am satisfied (note the use of the word ‘satisfied’ rather than happy).
Unfortunately, because of how sensitive I am about my skin if I see an advert for a product claiming to cure acne, I will buy it the next day. I hate to think of the money I have wasted on what can only be described as a collection of ‘snake-oils’, in an effort to get perfect skin. I’ve never had cystic acne or acne that has needed medical intervention, and I am old enough now to realise that a lot of the scars and acne I suffer with is probably down to my skin-picking, which is completely out of control. I’ve cancelled numerous days out and appointments because of how ugly I’ve looked after a particularly bad bout of skin-picking. I also truly believe that if someone was to ask people who know me to describe me they would say that I was ‘the one with the bad skin’. My fixation has led me to be cripplingly paranoid, if people are laughing nearby, I will automatically assume they are laughing at how bad I look. I find it excruciatingly uncomfortable when someone is talking to me and they are scanning my face instead of just making eye-contact. I always assume they are looking at my spots and scars, or where my make-up has clogged.
I don’t know how to break the cycle, but I am desperate to. I have wasted so much time, effort, and money on this, and it is such an exhausting way to live your life. Thank you so much for addressing this Laura and Fran, and I hope I can be successful in beating this.
Good luck everyone x
Dear laura ,
My names Joshua and i have not herd of “Acne Dysmorphia” until now.I came across this article seeking for a pill to rejuvinate of what once was my skin.I have been suffereing from Severe Acne since the end of 8th grade.That was about 4 years ago.See ive been shy all my life.An once this problem set in my world just began to crumble.My girlfriend broke up with me ,and the same day my bestfriend asked her out.I knew my bestfriend for 9 years and never would of thought hed do that to me.Anyways back to “Acne Dysmorphia”.As my acne set in i became more quiet and shy than i already was.People noticed these changes in me and didnt really think anything of it until it got so bad i would just sit there either on my floor or in my bed stairing at the walls or anything not saying a word.I would just have this blank stair.I took alot of crap from everyone they thought i became a druggy or something.Some nite’s i would just sit up laying in my bed crying and hitting my face because i hated it so much.I went from having everything to having nothing i was the most popular boy at school had the hottest girl in school as a girlfriend..Its really hard to take all that in and try to be ok and get through it.My acne started picking up 8th grade summer.It first developed on the side of my face near my side burns then slowly worked its way down to my chin and up onto my cheeks and up until my forehead.Now i had acne everywhere and would cry atleast 3 times a day for hours.I never sat with anyone on the schoolbus i was to afraid of what they might think or worried if they were stairing more at my acne then at me.I could already tell highschool would be hell for me.I basically was the quiet shy kid with acne that never spoke..Everyone thought i was weird i would hear people whisper shh dont say anything mean he might come to school one day and kill us.They didnt think it was nothing but i sure as hell herd them.I would get made fun of all the time thats when my weight started kicking in.I began to gain weight i feared id become really obese because all i did was sit at home and stay on the computer all day and eat.9th grade i stopped drinking soda or anything in the soda catergory.Ive been only drinking juices and water the passed 3-4 years.I remember when my acne first started appearing i flipped out i would squeeze and squeeze until my face drew blood even if it didnt look like there was a pimple or anything there.All of 8th grade summer and through my 9th grade year i picked and picked at my face.I decided to make a promise to myself to never pop or pick another pimple on my face.And i have lived up to it it really reduced my severity of acne but its still everywhere..I then got it on my upper back and it started working its way down my lower back.i havnt went swimming around people in about 3 or 4 years..I never take my shirt off.And now my grandma wants to take me my brother and my cousin on a 7 day cruise and i dont know what im gonna do.I really cant live like this anymore.If the dermatologists doesnt prescribe me a pill of some sort that clears up my acne then i probally will commit suicide.Ive went through a terrible suicidal stage before and can feel it comming back..Lately ive been more down and depressed then usually i can tell by the tone of my voice and what not.I havnt had any friends any girlfriends or went out in 3 or 4 years.If my acne doesnt clear up soon then theres nothing else i can do.I mean this is bs that they havnt came up with a substance or pill or solution to clearing up and having no acne.Maybe because its the fact they make millions off of us poor innocent people that just want to live normal lives and not worry about how our skin looks one day or the next.I just hope none of you have to go through what i do.
Hi Joshua
Thanks for your reply Im feeling pretty bad myself at the moment after feeling great for just over a week which is a long time for me. I urge you to talk to someone if you are really feeling suicidal, just think of the people that love you and would miss you. It really helps to talk to professionals. Tell your doctor exactly how your skin is making you feel and it might speed up the process of you getting better treatment. There mist be something they havent tried. Try and remember though that no one sees it as bad as you do and its only because we think about our skin 24/7 that we notice every tiny change which is why I have got into a state again. Dont let this ruin your life there are so many amazing places to see in this world and wonderful people to meet who wont give a second thought to your acne. It will clear up one day it just takes time and I know myself how hard that is to hear but please please don’t do anything stupid there is always something that can be done.
I hope you feel much better soon Joshua
Feel free to email me if ur finding thing too tough
Laura x x x x
hi Joshua, your certainly not alone in how you feel! i was like you too, very good looking, popular, always had the hottest girls etc… other boys were jealous of me cos of the attention i used to get and i felt good, happy to be me! confident, outgoing etc… then like you, i got really severe acne and it took all that away from me! its ruined my life and i’m just not the same person, dropped out of uni, have’nt had a proper job really, never had a serious girfriend, and its all cos of this f*****g horrible skin condition! if it was’nt for this i’d be better than most the blokes out there, i could have been a f*****g model or something, but no this s**t had to come along and ruin my life! so angry and bitter now, theres no justice or fairness in the world! believe me, i know how you feel and i’ve had this for about 13 long years now! you just gotta keep going and trying different things til u find whats right for you! i’m getting laser treatment and some counselling to deal with my problems! seems so unfair things turned out this way though, given how i was before!
Many thanks to Laura and everyone else for sharing their experiences of acne dysmorphia. I’ve been having problems with my skin since the age of 19 (I’m 29 now). Up until the beginning of this year I would suffer a breakout every 1-2 months and although the spots were often painful and quite noticeable I never let it get me down for longer than a day or so. However, last September I finally went to see my GP about my mild acne – I’d always been embarrassed about seeking treatment for a minor condition – and was prescribed antibiotics to clear it up. For the first few months the drugs worked and I had very few spots emerge on my chin (the area that is most spot prone), but I began to notice that I was getting lots of little red dots on my nose. I ignored them and continued on with the course of pills, but by the end of December my nose and the area around it was starting to get very red and spotty. I started using a concealer more and more and I’m convinced now that this made things worse.
I was made redundant in December and began working freelance from home in January. My nose area continued to worsen and my GP’s suggestions (Duac, stronger antibiotics) only exacerbated things so I was glad of being able to hide at home while working and avoid people (except for my wife) as much as possible. Over the next few months I tried various treatments to no avail and battled with growing anxiety and depression. I restricted contact with friends to a minimum. I can see now that hiding myself away so much was not at all psychologically healthy.
I returned to full-time employment recently but I am so cripplingly self-conscious now that every day feels like a battle. Whenever I’m talking to someone I’m really anxious that they are staring at my spots and judging me because of them. I know how irrational these thoughts are but I can’t stop myself from this negativity. I’m still avoiding a lot of social situations as well. I used to go out with friends once or twice a week but now it’s very rare that I go out with anyone other than my wife. I’ve alienated good friends by turning down so many invitations. I don’t think they have a clue why I’ve done this and would probably not believe that something so trivial had had such a massive effect on me.
Now I’m just trying to get to the psychological roots of my problem. I’ve bought a copy of ‘Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies’ and started going through it. The information is relevant and makes a lot of sense to me. Actually, reading the book has made me realise just how much of on impact acne dismorphia has made on my life. It upset me quite a lot to accept how much my I’ve changed mentally in the past five months. I have had some bad acne flare-ups in that time, but nothing severe enough to warrant how I’ve been feeling.
I’ve also got an appointment to see a dermatologist. I’m sceptical as to what they may offer as I don’t want to take any more antibiotics and the other possible treatments (Roaccutane etc.) are too severe for my condition, I think.
Regardless of what I am told by the derm, I’ve decided that I’m not going to let this beat me. I will use the techniques in the CBT book to conquer my negative thoughts and behaviour and I will learn to live with whatever skin problems I have. I’m so tired of feeling anxious and depressed. It’s turned me into a completely different person from who I was just six months ago.
Good luck to everyone else out there who is struggling with this condition. I hope we are all able to overcome our problems.
Sounds like me. Though I haven’t been at the brink of suicide, I’ve been avoiding social situations for years now. Thanks for the story, it really put light on my situation.
[...] consult your psychologist before your situation can lead you to harm. Take for example the case of Laura, who was so obsessed with perfection that it almost crippled her [...]
Fortunately at age 50 I’ve mostly overcome my Acne Dysmorphia however I do periodically relapse in my obsession with my skin (cystic acne & blackheads). My 46 year old sister still suffers with the same cystic acne and from this obsession. We both visit mental health doctors regularly to help us but sometimes the urge is too great. I can truly empathize with these people who left comments. Our acne has ruled our lives in many ways.
this is what probably happened to me in april 2008 i had white heads on my nose so i would apply a 10% benzoyl peroxide cream and that made those white heads into small red blemishes wich i was really freaked about.now i think i was sad because of these blemishes when they were not that big of a deal, but know it’s september and my face has literally 100 blemishes/imperfections not even kidding it’s horrible, ugh =(
That’s exactly what had happen to me back last December 2008 I don’t know why my face started to get oily and would break out in white/blackheads! I tried everything possible!! From Clean & Clear to Neutrogena to Biore and everything else that was possible I would bang my head into the mirrors because I thought I was ugly and hated myself for it I did come close to suicide real close a few times and around June I went to my first Dermatologist app. they had told me about Accutane & put me on’ birth control pills I won’t start accutane till later this fall though I’ve been using Neutrogena acne prone soaps and they work well but then I just realized that that’s life and Ican’t change that and that they are far way worse problems in this world!
thank u for this incredible info..It somehow soth my nerves about my difficult condition
I have a fair skin thats why whenever I got acne it was all very noticeable showing all the redness. I always felt that its better to die coz mylife seems to have no direction at all. I always avoid to socialize and always hide my face. People thinks that I acted to differently and getting very OA..but they just dont understand my feelings..until now I absent because new bumps are appears in my face again. Its really hard to accept the fact the I cannot this acne can occur automatically.huhuhu
Hi Jessa, I understand where you’re coming from – a lot of us do ..we’ve ever experienced the same feelings or very similar.
Please know that you ARE beautiful and your acne does not and will not define you.
Are you able to get any support from your family and friends? When the acne is causing this much emotional distress I also find that it can be in the best interest to get some professional medical help ..so sometimes taking antibiotics or the pill temporarily while you work on becoming stronger and more confident in yourself is okay.
Also, get plenty of sunshine, exercise ..drink lots of water and surround yourself with happy stuff
Thank you for your sharing your story! I really don´t know if I have the same synthoms. But every time I feel my skin, I always feel bumps and start to think like everybody is watching that “huge” thing when really is small. I know… my sister always tells me that I’m exaggerated, but I always think that she is saying that to me just to be nice. I can’t stop touching!!! And stop picking at my skin has been VERY VERY VERY hard!!! But I’m determined to do so because I don’t want to have acne ANY MORE!!!!
This story really touched me, because i can completely relate to this. Im now 21, but in high school i never really had bad acne.I would say i have mild acne with little bumps and a few papules. I started using treatments, which probably overtime made my skin worse. Two years ago I basically begged my dermatologist to put me on accutane, which i only took for 2 weeks because the toll it had on my mentally was unbearable. To add to the problem of my skin obsession, i became an esthetician. I now obsess with my skin so much that i never go out. I also go to a psychologist for anxiety and depression, and take depression medicine, but im still obsessed about my skin. It really makes me sad because i get told I’m beautiful often, but anytime somebody says that I always think if only they knew how much acne i had under this makeup. I really feel your pain and thank you for your story. I am hopeful that one day this won’t control my life and i hope the same for you.
Hello all,
I just wanted to say that i originally posted here 06/08 last year. Things were really tough for me then, as you can read near the start of the post.
I can now say that i am doing amazingly well, and my life has finally been able to start again.
I have decided that i am going to help as much as humanly possible to people who suffer with this.
I would like to start by saying that if you need advice or help and want someone to listen and stuff , please feel free to contact me on the email kickingbird82@googlemail.com. For that is the way i got better myself, thanks to Laura too. ( author of post)
Benny x
Ben that is such a beautiful thing to do, thank you so much for posting
I just read your article last night and realized that I may have this condition. I definitely have a skin picking problem. I went to bed with some very positive thoughts and was hoping to start the day with a new outlook.
This morning as my boyfriend and I were getting ready for school, he said something that changed my mindset completely.
As he brushed his teeth and I applied moisturizer he noticed me poke at a small spot on my hairline and said, “are you being nice?” (which he says often when he sees me pick, and it almost angers me and makes me want to pick more) I replied, “yes, and I don’t need your judgment, nor do I appreciate it!”
For the rest of the morning I ignored him as much as possible despite his apologies. When it came time to leave he explained how sorry he was again and that he hates for me to be upset and he didn’t mean what he said. Honestly though, I wasn’t upset at him as much as I was upset at MYSELF for being so ugly, imperfect, disgusting and compulsive! By this time, I already had makeup on and wasn’t about to talk about it because I would end up crying and ruining my makeup.
When I got in my car I broke down completely and cried my eyes out. I decided not to go to any of my classes because when I looked in the rearview mirror I didn’t see beautiful green eyes, or a pretty smile… I just saw my spots, and I just saw my tears.
Since we drive separate cars, he doesn’t know that I’m still at home. But after reading some of the comments here and after writing this, I know that I’ve made a dumb decision. I need to go to class now (already missed my first one).
I’ve considered telling him about my skin picking, although he already knows, but the actual confrontation is just SO hard. Deep in my heart I know he won’t judge me but I get a scary feeling that he will. And I realize that he will never even begin to understand how I feel. Nobody understands this condition unless they have been through it themselves!
I must thank you, Laura and Fran, for what you have done. I have only been on this site for 3 days and I already know that I will be getting better soon! If only I had more time in my day to watch all of the great videos!
Striving to stay optimistic.
Cheers!
Hi Justine,
Thank you for posting I can relate to your story a lot. Its really good you have a boyfriend in your life who understands your problem even if he only knows a lttle about it.
You could try printing off some information about skin picking and get him to read it if you dont think you could do it yourself.
Look for a book by David Veale about body dismoprhic disorder, it has a good chapter on skin picking and ways to help stop it using CBT techniques.
Also look at seeing a therpist or psychologist. I have had 8 sessions with my new psychologist and she is the only thing that has helped me in 2 years.
Good luck and stay postitive,
Laura x x x
Hey Laura and team,
thanks for much for sharing your pain. It is comforting to know there are others out there struggling with the same battle.
This bloody condition has played the part of a ghost haunting me in everything I do.
It started in high school when my skin started to breakout. People would of course tease me and the whole thing destroyed my confidence and this is when my obsession started. It doesnt help that I am a perfectionist as well. My skin condition became prevalent when my parents divorced – I think this is a key point to take into consideration.
I ended up going to a dermatologist and was put on some pretty heavy stuff that completely dried out my condition.
Here’s the thing. I decided to leave the shores of Australia and leave my ghost behind. I went to China. When I studied in China I had to share a room with someone else and there was only one public bathroom on each floor. This was like bootcamp in the beginning but really the best thing for me – why? NO TIME TO LOOK INTO A DISTORTED BROKEN MIRROR. As a result my obsessive thoughts died and my complextion naturally improved itself because I did not have the opportunity to attack my skin in the mirror. It was the best year of my life.
I have now returned to Australia. I have once again surrounded myself with mirrors and a few minor blemishes have once again become an obssessive part of my day. I am not getting any younger – I have also spent time – too much time in the sun once again trying to strive for perfection – but blemishes take at least 12 months to fade no matter what you do. I am about to study music performance and will be centre stage – I am anxious, afraid and sympathise completely with Laura.
I have to dig deep now. Deeper than I have ever dug B4. It need to try and apply the lessons of my days spent in China….
Anyone reading this – I think the major problem is the broken mirror from experience. Mentally tough to control but a real challenge to avoid.
I hope this story may assist others and identifying the root of the problem.
I wish all the best of success – REALLY – it is a fucked up disease that affects your ability to operate in a normal social environment.
Cheers,
Toby
all these people have bdd and/or trichotillomania not acne dysmorphia.I personally am handicapped by my obsession with my nose,I dont have nasal dysmorphia.The treatment anyway is well known and a psychiatrist with an interest in ocd will be best equipped to direct you.Its feircely difficult to overcome a severe case,im still trying after 20 years,although for the first 10 years
Acne dysmorphia is a strand of BDD. Theres lots of sites on the net which calls it ‘acne dysmorphia’ so I used this term to make it more specific to those obsessed with and upset by what they see as ‘acne’ when it is either non-existent or extremely mild.
It might not be a medical term but the term sums the condition better than just BDD which deals with many aspects of the body.
CBT has showed lots of positive results so I suggest anyone with these symptoms should see a psychologist about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I am currently undergoing CBT with a private psychologist and am seeing results….
Take care everyone
Thanks xx xx
Hi, I don’t know if I suffer from it, because I feel like i do have acne, not severe but it’s taking away my life, I don’t like to go out anymore, and when I do I feel disgusting and I feel everyone is staring at it and not at me, it has made me not want to date even tough people ask me out, i feel that when they look closer at me they will freak out and leave, every morning when I wake up all I think about is my acne, and counting months until I am in my twenties and hopefully it will go away, by the moment I only have 2 zits but a lot of red marks and it’s messing with my life. I wanted to ask you if you told people you hated your acne? because I never do that, I never talk about it unless it’s with my family because I feel so embarrassed by it, I also don’t look at myself too close in the mirror and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t eat any sugar and I only drink water, I am also scared to find old friends and think that if they see me like this they will talk behind my back and say how gross my face is
I think I may have Dysmorphia because I obsess with my skin condition. This morning I found 5 very small pimples around my nose and chin. But that didn’t bother me to an extreme. What bothers me each day is the dark circles and milia under my eyes, the acne scars I have on both cheeks, and my large pores around my nose. I’m getting tired of seeing such an unbalanced face, and for the past year, I have been eating very healthy and exercising and doing other things to treat the skin occasionally. I keep thinking about doing Laser Acne Removal to remove my scars but I’m leaving that for the absolute last resort. I have gotten to a point where I was very suicidal, and this wasnt too long ago! But that will never happen. I believe that I won’t be able to fix everything but I’ll be happy enough to just see the scars and acne removed for good. I’ve had them for years and it effects me most of the time. Right now, I try not to fret so much over my face because it stresses me out and stress doesn’t help with anything.
Wow…that article is so touching. I think that I suffer from a bit of the same thing, but I always remind myself that you can cure your acne with time and effort, and it doesn’t stay forever; letting it ruin your life doesn’t do any good. I think part of the reason I am so upset about it is because I am constantly surrounded by people who have clear skin in my school and daily environment. Other people, though, have their own problems that they have to worry about – that includes skin issues. I know that more and more in my life I will see peers getting acne, throughout highschool and on. You aren’t the only one by any means!
Anyone who is struggling to get a grip on their stubborn acne condition, I really encourage you to try out Fran’s 7 Steps To Acne-Free Skin Mini-Course. It’s completely free!
And after you’ve completed it, don’t just delete the information and think ”Oh, I already know this stuff. Who cares?” – because I made this mistake the first time I signed up and decided to try it again and you know what? I am actually starting to take that advice and am slowly creating a bigger effort to get rid of my acne. Good luck! And keep reading blog posts on High on Health ^^
gorgeous in my eyes:) even tho i know compliments don’t get taken so easily with dysmorphia present:P
I have sufferered from Acne Dysmorphia since 1985- it has been a very long, difficult journey.
THings i have tried:
1- hypnotherapy was mildly helpful; i did enjoy listening to the tape at home and relaxing while trying to “change the negative tape recording in my head” as my hypnotherapist put it.
2- Behavioral therapy was very helpful. At first visit, therapist and I made a list of the 10 things i felt caused me the most anxiety about my skin, such as exercising in public (skin will get all red, blotchy and oily), leaving house with no cover up on acne spots, and so on. Each week we worked on another item on the list until we reached the top of the list, which ofr me was shaving my face. What i learned in behavioral therapy was that you will reach a peak of anxiety, and then it will let up. And it’s true.
3- medications not so helpful for me.
4- laser therapy to remove acne scarring and uneven sking tone- just did this 6 months ago, see no improvement, have to avoid the sun at all costs, very expensive- not so happy i did this.
Acne dysmorphia has destroyed my life, but i let it go on for way too long. Now i just go with the flow- if i’m having a ‘good face day” i’ll do something. If i’m feeling disgusting, i’ll stay in. It’s hard to inflict this kind of “moodiness” on your friends and family, but they have more or less gotten used to me by this point.
I don’t believe there is a permanent solution for this disorder, but there are various things to try to alleviate the pain- and try all of them until you feel better. It’s worth the effort.
Good luck to you all!
-Tim
Kaley this one’s even more cool, the photos are huge!
http://www.dmd-digital-retouching.com/portfolio/beauty-retouching
I can see why this stuff doesn’t help us though :/
C
Hi everyone,
this article really struck a chord with me. i have suffered from acne ever since i was 10-11, with it getting progressively worse. i became fixated of my skin and face and would start crying everytime i got a new breakout. i never really thought much of it, just that it was normal for any teenage girl to act this way. i actually never had many acne spots at one time, but they were the huge red cysts that take months to go away. i would uncontrollably pick at them and make it ten times worse. i desperately searched the internet for anything that would make my situation better, and stumbled upon a site that said sugar may cause acne to flare up.
so i made the best and worse decision of my life; i gave up refined sugar completely. and my face did clear up quite a bit. i was getting fewer cysts, and my chest and back were clearing up too. but it wasn’t good enough for me. i tried harder to clear it up, and eventually, this all spiraled into anorexia. my hormones went way down and my face looked like a pre-pubescent child’s again. but i was severely underweight. so my mom took me to a doctor, and i started gaining weight. and my acne came back. so here i am, trying to get better from an eating disorder, and having to deal with the horrors of acne all over again.
just recently, i got a cyst after not having one for 6+ months. it’s just so devastating. anyway, i’m definitely going to talk to my therapist about this next time i go in to see her, because it just ruining my life.
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